You know this is gonna make you about a lovable as a porcupine, right?

[Please accept this companionable clap on the (good) shoulder, sir.]

...look, I get it. You don't wanna hurt anybody, and that's fine. But I know you wanna feel as normal as the next guy, and relationships are kinda the way you do it.

[Just sayin'.]

I'm not telling you to go out and get married, but loosen up a little bit, okay? Take it from a guy who used to have one-night-stands for dinner.