15: [Video] Crazy Circles/Private to Kurt

[dashboardlite]

"Uh.  Hey, dude."

Dean clears his throat a little awkwardly.  The camera is settled this time on what appears to be the coffee table in front of the worn sofa, if the stack of automobile magazines obscuring half the frame are any indication.  He nudges them aside with one hand before raking said hand through his hair and ruffling cropped dirty-blonde strands.  This 'sharing your feelings' thing is harder than Dean thought it was going to be.  He never really shares anything with anyone but Sammy, and even choosing the right song for the occasion has proven to be a challenge for him.

Dean knows very well who Lady GaGa is.  But there's no way he's going that far just to get his point across.

So, very quietly, he reaches over to one side for the stupid acoustic guitar that the closet gave him that he's been on-and-off fiddling with for the sake of acquiring a new skill while he's here.  It's like Groundhog Day; there's no sense in wasting all the time available.  Dean's fingers slide over the frets and he spends a moment looking quietly sheepish.

"...I was just gonna say that...I saw your message.  And yeah, thanks, I, uh...I got the picture."  More than that, actually, since Kurt's bitchy little tantrum hit closer to home than the teenager thought.  Dean sighs, "I have a lot more toxins in me than just booze.  So.  I did my homework for the first time in twelve years."

Choosing a classic rock song that has nothing to do with concerts, cars, women, having sex with women in the back seats of cars, or drugs, had been a really difficult endeavor.  Dean ended up settling on Crazy Circles by Bad Company, seeing as it was one of those songs that felt like a fairly accurate reflection of his life.

He rests the guitar on his knee, takes a deep breath, and begins to get through the chords he rushed to learn.

Life is like a merry-go-round,
Painted horses ridin' up and down.
Music takes you and you're gone again,
Crazy circles never seem to end,

Oh, I will face the sun,
Leavin' shadows far behind.
And together we'll go on
Through time, oh yeah.

Life is just a game of chance,
Some find riches and some romance.
Some find happiness, and some find sorrow.
Some find it today, and some maybe tomorrow-

Oh, I will face the sun,
Leavin' shadows far behind.
And together we'll go on
Through time, oh yeah...

Life is like a carousel,
You aim for Heaven, and you wind up in Hell.
To all the world you're livin' like a king,
But you're just a puppet on a broken string-

Oh, I will face the sun
Leavin' shadows far behind.
And together we'll go on
Through time, oh yeah...

Life is like, mm-mm-m, and life is like, mm-mm-m,
Crazy circles, goin' round and round
Crazy circles, round and round and round
One day you're up - And the next day you're down.
Life is like a merry-go-round.

When he's through, Dean's fingers sort of linger on the strings before he sets the guitar aside and lets out a long breath.  Admittedly, Crazy Circles isn't an apology, but Dean's always been bad at fessing up about things he's done wrong.  That, and clearly Hell hath no fury like a Hummel scorned, if the kid's transmission was any indication.  Is this too soon to ask forgiveness?  Dean's an impatient guy.

He leans over, and switches off the communicator.

Comments

[thisisherson.livejournal.com]

Kurt doesn't say anything during the performance. He just listens, quietly. Or rather, he makes himself listen at first, giving Dean's homework a mental C for picking classic rock, of all things.

But, he listens. He doesn't swoon over Dean playing the guitar, and he doesn't plot ways to choke him with the strings. He just...listens.

He clearly looks like he has mixed feelings about it, but he doesn't look angry, exactly. He's actually looking more at the floor than he is at the communicator.

Kurt takes a deep breath. And then he speaks, his voice just above a whisper.

"...You really are suited to classic rock."

So maybe he can knock this apology up to something of a B+.

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

Dean tries not to show how visibly relieved he is that Kurt actually listened to the damn thing, considering how the hunter isn't the best at performing in front of others unless it's with a gun.

He doesn't really know why he cares so much that other people care. Here, he's stuck in a loop. There's no way Dean can possibly leave, having no access to his baby and no open road calling him. There are no jobs. There are no immediate threats.

There's nothing else he can do but try to make the best of a bad situation (which is exactly what Kurt told him that one time they went to the beach). While spreading roots and getting to know people has never been Dean Winchester's forte, here he has no choice.

There's no Sam.

There's no dad.

There's just an angel he doesn't really know, an old friend he never keeps in touch with, and the few people who appear to actually like him enough to stand being around him for extended periods of time. Dean isn't used to that. He's used to one-night-stands and crappy diner food and sixteen-hour drives just to gank a demon four states away.

"...thanks," He replies awkwardly. "I really...don't expect forgiveness, 'cause if I were in your shoes I'd probably hate me a helluva lot right now, but, uh...Yeah. I'm sorry. And that's what I wanted t'say."

And for once, he actually sounds sincere.

[thisisherson.livejournal.com]

Kurt's words catch in his throat for a second, as though he wants to say something, but can't bring himself to force it out.

"I...don't hate you. Really." Somehow, spitting it out is harder than Kurt thought it would be, but he goes on. "And I probably shouldn't have walked out like that."

Stormed out is really more the right phrase, but you know. Walked out, stormed out; tomatoes, tomahtoes. Same thing. Close enough.

"I just..." He rubs at his wrist awkwardly. "I got my hopes up. No straight guys ever act that way with me, so I just assumed..."

Assumed that Dean loved him. There's only three kinds of men after all, according to Kurt - homophobic straight men, straight men who won't throw you in a dumpster but still hold you at an arm's distance, and gay men. That last category is much more mysterious, given that Kurt doesn't personally know any gay men, so men who don't fall in the first two categories tend to get tossed into the third.

"Well, it don't matter what I assumed," Kurt says. He's pretty sure Dean knows exactly what he assumed, so he'd rather not say. "...It still stings, It would only sting more if you dumped vinegar in the metaphorical wound. ...But."

Sigh. Sigh.

"I...might have over-reacted," he finally says.

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

Dean wishes they were talking in person. It would make things infinitely easier to work out, because over transmissions people can just get fed-up with each other and switch out, and before you know it, they're gone. It is interesting, he notices, that Kurt seems to meticulously avoid actually apologizing. Dean doesn't blame him - pride, and all that - but it is sorta funny.

"Nah, it was my fault, too," He admits willingly, shaking his head. "I shoulda noticed sooner, and done something about it. I really didn't wanna hurt you, man."

Dean chuckles, "And yeah, you over-reacted." He's not going to suger-coat it when it's the truth. "I thought you were gonna Hulk out, Kurt." The hunter teases gently, feeling much better about the situation now that it's been diffused to some extent. Dean still has some nagging doubts, mostly thanks to that message Kurt left on the public network.

"I forgive you."

He states bluntly, straight-to-the-point. "I'm gonna be honest, dude, I really do trust you. I wasn't lying. And I'm always here for ya, so don't..."

Dean thinks for a minute, remembering back to his first conversation with David Karofsky. It wasn't going to be his last.

"...don't worry about any bullying shit. I got your back."