20: [Video/Action] Open Arms
Feb. 28th, 2011 09:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dashboardliteDean is slumped in one of the easy chairs in his room, seemingly completely oblivious to the camera he's left on the bedside table. It's at enough of an angle that half his face is obscured by the shadows in the dimly-lit room, and the only sources of illumination are the floor lamp off in the far corner, and the soft electric glow of the radio's face.
The only thing it's been playing today are Journey's greatest hits, but it's been stuck on a loop of Faithfully and Open Arms, which made Dean think, and thinking is always a bad idea when he's convinced that he's fucked up almost every close friendship - or relationship - he's had with anyone since coming here.
Dean is starting to see a pattern, and if the expression of grim pain on his face isn't enough of a giveaway that something is wrong, then the beer bottle dangling from his fingertips over the left arm of the chair ought to be. Reaching down, he tugs off one of his heavy biker boots and chucks it at the radio, which clatters to the floor and fizzles out of whatever reception it was getting.
He knows he should be happier. His brother is here. Sam, Sasquatch that he is, is here - albeit older - the the guilt he feels over moping when he should be catching up with Sam is...really awful, actually.
But everyone has those days, right?
Right?
The only thing it's been playing today are Journey's greatest hits, but it's been stuck on a loop of Faithfully and Open Arms, which made Dean think, and thinking is always a bad idea when he's convinced that he's fucked up almost every close friendship - or relationship - he's had with anyone since coming here.
Dean is starting to see a pattern, and if the expression of grim pain on his face isn't enough of a giveaway that something is wrong, then the beer bottle dangling from his fingertips over the left arm of the chair ought to be. Reaching down, he tugs off one of his heavy biker boots and chucks it at the radio, which clatters to the floor and fizzles out of whatever reception it was getting.
He knows he should be happier. His brother is here. Sam, Sasquatch that he is, is here - albeit older - the the guilt he feels over moping when he should be catching up with Sam is...really awful, actually.
But everyone has those days, right?
Right?
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[Video]
Date: 2011-03-08 12:43 am (UTC)[He sighs wearily.]
...wish I had the balls to go tell Cas what's up, but...I'm sorta...scared, actually.
[Video]
Date: 2011-03-08 12:57 am (UTC)[That's ridiculous, says his subtext. What the Hell for?]
[Video]
Date: 2011-03-08 01:02 am (UTC)Look, man, I don't expect you to understand. It's a- [He waves his hand a little.] ...a human thing. Y'know, l- [Jesus, he can't even say it.]
...love.
[Video]
Date: 2011-03-08 01:05 am (UTC)[Yeah, with Dean, he's putting even less into that lie than he usually does. Shit's infinitely approaching zero.]
...That... is not so uncommon.
[Video]
Date: 2011-03-08 01:21 am (UTC)[EMOTIONS ARE HARD]
[Video]
Date: 2011-03-08 03:02 am (UTC)...Oh?
[Video]
Date: 2011-03-08 04:20 am (UTC)...yeah, I don't...I don't do love.
[Well this is awkward.]
[Video]
Date: 2011-03-08 11:47 am (UTC)From what I gather... it happens to people.
[Love, of one sort or another, drives a whole lot of the people he has to psychologically dissect for his Truths and Regrets. Even if it's all kinds of twisted.]
[Video]
Date: 2011-03-08 06:33 pm (UTC)[Dean stresses. He doesn't have time for love. Not with his job. Not with his life. Commitment is daunting, and feeling so vulnerable around someone else that you want to give them a part of yourself in a way you haven't with anyone before...
...that's scary.
Love is like surrender, and Dean is a "never say die" kinda guy.]
[Video]
Date: 2011-03-13 07:45 am (UTC)Are you not allowed... to be a person?
Re: [Video]
Date: 2011-03-13 02:12 pm (UTC)...I don't deserve that.
[Video]
Date: 2011-03-13 05:41 pm (UTC)[Video]
Date: 2011-03-13 05:55 pm (UTC)[Wry smile.]
[Video]
Date: 2011-03-15 03:38 am (UTC)[Video]
Date: 2011-03-15 06:31 am (UTC)[The words are light, amused rather than petty and biting. Dean laughs to himself, shaking his head.]
Yeah, like a dick like me deserves happiness.
[Video]
Date: 2011-03-20 12:19 am (UTC)...Where you come from... have you heard of... "karma"?
[One gets what one deserves, but often not in the ways or in the time that one wants or expects it.]
[Video]
Date: 2011-03-20 02:59 am (UTC)...yeah? But it's usually used to talk about someone gettin' just desserts. Why?
[Video]
Date: 2011-03-20 03:27 am (UTC)What we expect to deserve has little relevance.
[Video]
Date: 2011-03-20 10:47 pm (UTC)[Trying to grasp the concept that he might actually get Nice Things (TM) is hard.]
...someone like me, after everything I've done, can still be rewarded?
[Video] Oh god I've been reading too much Hindu and Buddhist philosophy ;;
Date: 2011-03-21 02:02 am (UTC)[Teasing. Okay, but in all seriousness...]
Karma is like a seed. The fruit of every action is borne... only when it has ripened.
The consequence of each action... is different, and works in a unique time.
[You could have already paid for your wrongdoings, or could pay for them in another life entirely, or reap the rewards or punishments of a previous life now; it's all part of the path, and not something that can be controlled once the actions have been taken.]
[Video] NO THIS IS GOOD BECAUSE DEAN DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS.
Date: 2011-03-21 05:34 pm (UTC)...does karma apply to everyone?
[In other words, does it apply even in Christianity?]
[Video] LET THE MS BE YOUR GURU. Or don't. It might be an awful idea.
Date: 2011-03-23 01:22 am (UTC)[Video] MS SHOULD TOTALLY BE DEAN'S GURU. HELP HIM REACH ENLIGHTENMENT.
Date: 2011-03-23 05:10 am (UTC)Well, uh...thanks. Thanks, then.
[That actually made him feel better. Weird.]
[Video] You know he'd be one of those awful, troll-tastic Zen masters...
Date: 2011-03-23 03:26 pm (UTC)For what?
[Video]
Date: 2011-03-23 04:08 pm (UTC)[He fingerquotes.]
...I feel...better, I think.