28: [Video] Hot For Teacher

[dashboardlite]

[This program is brought to you by Herpexia: Daily Treatment for Genital Herpes.]

So, uh. It's come to my attention that whenever events roll around, everybody's usually running through the halls like chickens with their friggin' heads cut off. So today we're gonna fix that, 'cause this is what I do for a living.

[It appears that Dean is in the kitchen, and has covered an entire countertop with assorted objets d'hunting.]

Got a coupla basics here. Salt. [He lifts up a canister of the stuff.] Purifying chemical compound. Burns ghosts, but won't keep 'em away for long. You can protect yourself by drawing a circle with it and stayin' inside. Iron- [Dean gestures to the crowbar.] Also purifying, harms malevolent spirits.

[With a click, he's got a Zippo lighter out and lit.] Whole bunch of stuff is gonna hafta be burned. [Out goes the lighter.] Usually the remains of a dead person, so you might get your hands dirty, fair warning.

[Dean pockets the Zippo and leans in for a dramatic close-up on the camera.]

Where I come from, monsters are real. And they're not about to go away - especially not in Wonderland. You can either sit here with your thumbs up your asses, or be ready. I'm gonna take questions about whatever stuff you wanna throw at me, so knock yourselves out. Class is in session.

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[isntitgrand.livejournal.com]

[It clicks. ]

E-Excuse me?

Did I just hear you tell me, of all people, that you don't want half ass?

I will have you know, Mr. I-think-I'm-such-an-expert, that I have never done anything half ass in my life.

In kindergarten, when they had us talk about our favorite color and why it's our favorite, I made a 12-slide powerpoint on the color magenta. When I was nine years old, my Ballet teacher put me in the class with all of the high school seniors, because I was too good. In seventh grade, when they had us do the mile run, I ran two miles, while singing "Good Morning Starshine". With a broken leg.

Now, let me ask you, big boy. What the hell gives you the right to suggest that I do ANYTHING half-ass?

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

[Does this expression look impressed to you? No? Maybe because it isn't. Maybe because singing and dancing and Powerpoint presentations with a broken leg have nothing to do with ganking monsters in any way, shape, or form.

But there are more important things to address here.]

...First off, musicals? Not gonna gain you any points there, sister. Just 'cause it's Hair and it was still popular when I was born don't make it worth talking about.

[What's that? He's holding a hand up to keep her quiet? Yes. Yes he is.]

Secondly. You can't do this unless you actually believe in it. This involves weapons and research, and to be honest- [Looking her up and down via video.] ...you don't look like you've ever held anything worse than a butter knife.

[isntitgrand.livejournal.com]

[She calms down a bit. He obviously doesn't know her well enough to know that she will do anything to be the best. She gives him her big, fake, crazy smile.]

Okay, I'll ignore that crack about musicals for now, and skip to the part about not being able to handle it.

Are you saying I can't? Because there is nothing that I can't do. The word isn't even in my vocabulary.

I played football once. [She won't bother to mention that she was awful at it.]

I also picked up a bit of sword fighting. Believe it or not, many people involved in theater have picked that up. It's for stage combat, you probably wouldn't understand.

Also, if the time ever comes that we do get ambushed by monsters, I don't think "believing" will be as important as surviving. That's like saying you need to be passionate about medicine to learn CPR.

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

[Sorry? What was that? Dean couldn't hear you over the sound of all the crazy him cleaning his gun.

When she's finally through, he just stares again.]

You done yet?

[isntitgrand.livejournal.com]

You know, for someone who wanted members, you aren't exactly being very kind.

[She starts sifting through sheet music, choir arrangements mainly. She doesn't even look at the camera.]

You'll never get people that way. Trust me, it's much harder than that.

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

Kindness ain't a prerequisite for my job, sweetheart. You can't kill a vampire with kindness. You kill it with a machete.

[Truer words have never been spoken.

Mostly...he's just worried she isn't hunting material. Dean needs people he can teach and be confident about leaving them on their own. He doesn't need an extra kid to look after when the going gets tough and she suddenly decides that belting out Little Shop of Horrors in the middle of tracking is a good idea.]

...look, Rachel. I'm gonna level with you. I'll teach you some stuff, sure, but this isn't some kinda extracurricular activity. It's my friggin' job, and I take it seriously.

[The unspoken words being: So you should too.]

[isntitgrand.livejournal.com]

[She can tell by the look on his face that he doesn't believe in her, or believe that she will succeed. Which is perfectly fine with Rachel, because she has another idea.

She crosses her arms and puts on her best show-face. ]

Fine. Teach me, I'm always ready to learn.

[That's right, ladies and gentleman. If he won't listen to her, then she'll just have to prove herself to him. and she will.

Because Rachel is a lot of things, but a quitter is not one of them.]

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

Fine. Study up. I'm sending you a file.

[He sends her the PDF of everything Philip transcribed from Dean's journal. Only it's...better organized. But it's pretty comprehensive.]