28: [Video] Hot For Teacher

[dashboardlite]

[This program is brought to you by Herpexia: Daily Treatment for Genital Herpes.]

So, uh. It's come to my attention that whenever events roll around, everybody's usually running through the halls like chickens with their friggin' heads cut off. So today we're gonna fix that, 'cause this is what I do for a living.

[It appears that Dean is in the kitchen, and has covered an entire countertop with assorted objets d'hunting.]

Got a coupla basics here. Salt. [He lifts up a canister of the stuff.] Purifying chemical compound. Burns ghosts, but won't keep 'em away for long. You can protect yourself by drawing a circle with it and stayin' inside. Iron- [Dean gestures to the crowbar.] Also purifying, harms malevolent spirits.

[With a click, he's got a Zippo lighter out and lit.] Whole bunch of stuff is gonna hafta be burned. [Out goes the lighter.] Usually the remains of a dead person, so you might get your hands dirty, fair warning.

[Dean pockets the Zippo and leans in for a dramatic close-up on the camera.]

Where I come from, monsters are real. And they're not about to go away - especially not in Wonderland. You can either sit here with your thumbs up your asses, or be ready. I'm gonna take questions about whatever stuff you wanna throw at me, so knock yourselves out. Class is in session.

Comments

action;

[turn4bout.livejournal.com]

[ rumble rumble rumble there is something in a near by cabinet rumble rumble. ]

action;

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

[He doesn't even bat an eyelash. He just arranges his tools on the counter and makes sure his gun is clean.]

'Sup, T-Dog?

audio which wishes to subscribe to Dean's newsletter

[40410.livejournal.com]

[ A solemn voice, undeniably interested. ] Does this stuff work here? Or just where you come from?

[ Because if it works here, even a little of it, then he is signing up for this class with the speed of a smashing rock. ]

[audio] Subscriptions are free of charge, sir.

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

It all seems to work here so far, yeah. Unless the lore's different. But the methods change when lore changes, so it's easy to adapt.

[itsahotone.livejournal.com]

So this is what, a PSA? Because I gotta tell you, the visual's all right but it's still pretty boring. You should take off your shirt or something, really spice things up.

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

And broadcast my shirtlessness to everyone? Sorry, sweetheart - that's a whole 'nother subscription fee.

video;

[hurricanebomber.livejournal.com]

So you're just assuming that everyone here knows shit about taking care of themselves.

[Which isn't to say that he didn't just write all of that down.]

video;

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

[One serving of hot, steaming sarcasm, coming right up!]

Duly noted. Next time I make a Public Service Announcement, I'll be sure to broadcast it to a select group of individuals that signed up for the newsletter.

[A beat.]

Ohhhh, wait. There isn't a group. I guess that's what this transmission is for, huh?

Video

[thisisherson.livejournal.com]

[]

Is it really wise to burn dead bodies in a place where people can apparently come back from the dead unscathed?

Video 1/2

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

[...Don't be a smart-ass, Kurt.]

Video 2/2

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

[Dean rubs a hand over his face.]

You only burn the remains to get rid of the spirit, Kurt. I don't think it's gonna apply to people who come here, but it might apply to events.

[video]

[born-from-mist.livejournal.com]

Ghosts...?

[video]

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

Ghosts. Werewolves. Shapeshifters. You name it.

[voice]

[nameless-hollow.livejournal.com]

[Are you ready for this, Dean? Are you really?

Have some super helpful... giggling at your attempts to arm yourself up.]

[voice]

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

[HE HOPES YOU CAN HEAR THE EYEROLL.]

Oh, well, if it ain't Crazy Eyes McGee.

[paper-knight.livejournal.com]

"You're serious about this?"

He's not doubtful, just. Curious.

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

"Dead serious."

Trololol.

[isntitgrand.livejournal.com]

And why would there be ghosts and dead people in a mansion where people have multiple lives? When have we had an event where any of this was relevant? You can't predict events, Dean.

[EYEROLL]

I mean, my word, I didn't see anyone whipping out crowbars when we all turned into orange marmalade.

But, if this is a club or something, I'll join. I'm getting a bit stir-crazy, and all I've been thinking about is Glee Club.

Just know that, although I'll excel far more than anyone else in your group and strive to be amazing at whatever it is you're teaching, I still probably won't care about it. Don't take it personal, I'm just bored, and I have perfection issues.

1/2

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

[...when is she going to stop talkin- Oh, there we go.]

It's called bein' prepared, sweetheart.

[He gives her a long, hard, incredibly-judging look. Hopefully, she can feel it down in her very bones. Or at least somewhere beyond the painfully awful argyle sweater.]

And this ain't a clu-

[pricesandvaules.livejournal.com]

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

They don't always get the job done, if you know what I'm sayin'.

[carbon-knight.livejournal.com]

Written on a nearby countertop:

Could you slay a Jabberwock?

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

[Well that's unusual. Must be a mirror. No sense in writing when he can speak, right?]

Who's askin'?

[epiccombo.livejournal.com]

Who the hell said any of us were sitting around with our thumbs up our asses?



You think any of that's gonna work?

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

I know this shit's gonna work. I wouldn't be very good at my job if it didn't.

[pottershotter.livejournal.com]

Out of pure curiosity, how do you feel about witches and wizards? Are you a "burn them at the stake" sort of fellow?

[]

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

[Put on your wizard's hat and cape, good sir, and with your +5 Agility you should be all right.]

...please don't tell me you play DnD, dude.

[Skeptical Video]

[boomerangbend.livejournal.com]

[Dean, you've got a curious if not skeptical student on your hands. However, you do sound professional, despite that salt bit. Spirit shenanigans isn't something he was expecting to be a universal constant, though. In his world, that salt thing isn't really... What's the deal with that?]

Not that I'm an expert on the subject, despite that this panda spirit kidnapped me and took me into the spirit world, but I don't think salt's gonna help you.

[Unless one person being the bridge between the spirit world and the physical one isn't exactly a universal constant. But he's still going to be doubting the use of salt.

And what the hell? A device that has fire come out of it? Wow, Sokka's world is really behind. When that part comes on, the teen looks transfixed. His lips form the words 'What in the...', but no sound comes.]

But I thought monsters were some kind of constant, like war or how good meat is. And I've never heard of burning a body to get rid of spirits either. I'm no Avatar, but I don't think that's how it works.

[Bro What Are You Smoking Video]

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

...dude, I only got about half that stuff you just said.

[Panda spirits? Avatar? The spirit world is just a desaturated version of this world, but the rest of what he's saying doesn't particularly make sense.]

What universe are you from, anyway?

-Text-

[spirit-cobra.livejournal.com]

If anyone attempts to use any of this on me, you and I shall have to have words.

-Text-

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

[battleaxebass.livejournal.com]

Cute, but none of that would work on me.

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

I know, sweetheart, you're another one-a those special cases.

[Sigh.]

[Video]

[bringinlazyback.livejournal.com]

It seems that spirits in your world are much more complicated.

[However! Dean has successfully interested Jade enough! Congratulations!]

I have a funny feeling that there's more than just ghosts to deal with.

[Video]

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

Way more than just ghosts, dude. You have no idea.

[...or maybe he does.]

Haven't seen you 'round here before. What's your name?

[ video ]

[beyourwarmth.livejournal.com]

Class.....Are you a teacher?

[ video ]

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

[He salutes lazily.]

Professor Winchester, at your service, kid.

[ video ]

[walkingdesuno.livejournal.com]

[ he is such a skeptic, but all of this is worth noting probably ]

Salt, iron, and fire are stuff that works against the supernatural that I've read in books. Does that mean other objects listed in books like talismans or mirrors work as well?

[ video ]

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

Depends on what it is, and what book you read. Some of 'em are fulla crap.