28: [Video] Hot For Teacher

[dashboardlite]

[This program is brought to you by Herpexia: Daily Treatment for Genital Herpes.]

So, uh. It's come to my attention that whenever events roll around, everybody's usually running through the halls like chickens with their friggin' heads cut off. So today we're gonna fix that, 'cause this is what I do for a living.

[It appears that Dean is in the kitchen, and has covered an entire countertop with assorted objets d'hunting.]

Got a coupla basics here. Salt. [He lifts up a canister of the stuff.] Purifying chemical compound. Burns ghosts, but won't keep 'em away for long. You can protect yourself by drawing a circle with it and stayin' inside. Iron- [Dean gestures to the crowbar.] Also purifying, harms malevolent spirits.

[With a click, he's got a Zippo lighter out and lit.] Whole bunch of stuff is gonna hafta be burned. [Out goes the lighter.] Usually the remains of a dead person, so you might get your hands dirty, fair warning.

[Dean pockets the Zippo and leans in for a dramatic close-up on the camera.]

Where I come from, monsters are real. And they're not about to go away - especially not in Wonderland. You can either sit here with your thumbs up your asses, or be ready. I'm gonna take questions about whatever stuff you wanna throw at me, so knock yourselves out. Class is in session.

Comments

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

Oooh, Naked Cooking With Dean Winchester. I don't think you'd like the food I make, sweetheart. Are burgers a part of your cheerleading diet?

[itsahotone.livejournal.com]

[Smiiiirking yet some more.]

Only after sex and I'm really hungry.

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

[DING DING DING, we have a hole-in-one! Congratulations on your success, Mr. Winchester, and thank you for playing.]

It might just be me, but I think you're hinting at something.

[Play it cool, Dean. Play it cool.]

[itsahotone.livejournal.com]

Of course not. Why would I do that when you turned me down before? Like eighty times?

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

Awww, not still sore about it, are ya?

[itsahotone.livejournal.com]

Only every so often, but then I do something about it and it goes away.

[Clearly she means she reads a good book. Yep.]

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

Too bad you can't use the "getting older" excuse.

[No, really. He would hit that in a heartbeat if she wasn't a teenager. Dear Sweet Baby Jesus, he would hit that.]

[itsahotone.livejournal.com]

[Blink. Blink. That seemed random.]

What? Oh, you're still hung up on that age thing? Never satisfied, are you? [She shakes her head sadly. Do you buy her sincerity?] And here, the solution to satisfaction is right in front of you.

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

[He wouldn't waste a single cent on that sincerity.]

Right in front of me?

[Okay, he's being sort of a dick about this, but do you blame him? Resisting temptation is hard as fuck. Dean scrutinizes the things on the counter.]

...I guess crowbars satisfy my needs, sure.

[Snerk.]

[itsahotone.livejournal.com]

Wow, sorry, not even I'm into that kinda thing. But I'm pretty sure that would still get you more viewers than a boring speech.

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

If you don't like it, you could just change the channel.

[itsahotone.livejournal.com]

But it's so much fun talking to you! Hey, what do you think of this shirt (http://rawr-caps.net/displayimage.php?pid=671275&fullsize=1), anyway?

[The correct answer, Dean, is: hot.]

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

It's, uh-

[Congratulations, you successfully changed the subject. He stares appreciatively.]

...distracting.

[itsahotone.livejournal.com]

And I bet if I took it off right now, you wouldn't be able to look away.

Either that, or you'd hang up in a desperate attempt to remain aloof and uncaring.

[Shrug.] It's a win-win. I'm just saying, you should see my point.

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

[He's not arguing with either of those statements, because they're pretty accurate. Dean does recall, however, some canon fodder of his own.]

That what you told Philip's mirror?

[DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THAT, DIDJA?]

[itsahotone.livejournal.com]

[The narration would like to question just how Dean even ~knows~ about that. Santana, however, is just a little confused.]

Is what what I told Philip's mirror?

[That he'd get more attention without a shirt? That doesn't even make sense; he obviously has no problems with nudity on an average day already.]

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

[Dean knows because Claire is an adorably sweet, charming little fellow who likes to share his woes about looking after Phil with Mr. Winchester.]

The first part.

[You know. Santana taking her own shirt off.

Dean can't blame Phil for looking, because da-yum, but maybe for the lack of a moral code.]

[itsahotone.livejournal.com]

Be more vague.

[Thinkthinkthink]

Are you asking if my evil breasts lured him in or something?

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

[EYEROLL.]

Forget it. Slipped my mind that you guys don't have consciences.

[Poor, poor Claire. Arbitrarily, Dean wonders if Smith ended up killing Phil.

No big loss, right?]

[itsahotone.livejournal.com]

[Yes, Dean, because thinking killing Phil would be no big loss is speaking so highly of your conscience. B| ]

Please. It's hardly my fault if someone thinks their relationship doesn't matter enough to not sleep with me. I brought your twin up first and everything.

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'll remember that when Heaven starts passin' out incentives.

[He can see the neon sign now!

Santana Lopez: The Sometimes Harlot]

Whatever. It ain't my problem unless other-me goes apeshit and starts murdering everybody once he finds out.

[itsahotone.livejournal.com]

You seem way more likely to murder than he does. Just saying.

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

You've never seen the businessmen on Wall Street lose money, have you?

[...okay, so he hasn't seen it in person, but it's on T.V. a lot. They always look upset.]

[itsahotone.livejournal.com]

[Aaaand you've lost her.]

This is boring now. Either strip or tell me something I wanna know, please.

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

[CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.]

Some chick from your school is convinced I'm starting a monster-hunting club. I think she wants to be president.