28: [Video] Hot For Teacher

[dashboardlite]

[This program is brought to you by Herpexia: Daily Treatment for Genital Herpes.]

So, uh. It's come to my attention that whenever events roll around, everybody's usually running through the halls like chickens with their friggin' heads cut off. So today we're gonna fix that, 'cause this is what I do for a living.

[It appears that Dean is in the kitchen, and has covered an entire countertop with assorted objets d'hunting.]

Got a coupla basics here. Salt. [He lifts up a canister of the stuff.] Purifying chemical compound. Burns ghosts, but won't keep 'em away for long. You can protect yourself by drawing a circle with it and stayin' inside. Iron- [Dean gestures to the crowbar.] Also purifying, harms malevolent spirits.

[With a click, he's got a Zippo lighter out and lit.] Whole bunch of stuff is gonna hafta be burned. [Out goes the lighter.] Usually the remains of a dead person, so you might get your hands dirty, fair warning.

[Dean pockets the Zippo and leans in for a dramatic close-up on the camera.]

Where I come from, monsters are real. And they're not about to go away - especially not in Wonderland. You can either sit here with your thumbs up your asses, or be ready. I'm gonna take questions about whatever stuff you wanna throw at me, so knock yourselves out. Class is in session.

Comments

[itsahotone.livejournal.com]

Then you're just gonna continue putting us all to sleep. I personally didn't hear a single thing you just said except something about salt, which totally causes bloat, so. Gross.

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

I don't strip unless there's somethin' in it for me.

[Smirk.]

And yeah, it was a PSA. Next time Casper goes apeshit, people are gonna wanna protect themselves.

[itsahotone.livejournal.com]

I've got a dollar bill right here. [Which she will show him by pulling it out of her tits.] It can go anywhere you want it.

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

[Ffffffffffffuhhhhhh so tempting, why so tempting? Just because he hasn't gotten laid in months doesn't mean he can start staring at incredibly nice tits when they're attached to someone who's still in high school.

The road to Hell is paved with seventies pornos.

Welp.]

You think I'm only worth a measly buck?

[Wounded, hand on his chest, he winces.]

That hurts.

[itsahotone.livejournal.com]

For the first step, yeah. I'm not about to blow it all on just a shirt.

[What? Was that a slight emphasis on the word blow? How dare you ever think that.]

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

[Was that a slight emphasis on the word blow? How dare you ever imply that, young lady.

Dean recovers himself quickly, because he has to, because he can't be staring in surprise at the thought of ohfuck a blowjob.

He is better than this.]

Who said anything about givin' a show, anyway? This ain't Pay-Per-View.

[...He can try to be, at least.]

[itsahotone.livejournal.com]

Try to keep up, Paul Bunyan. I was just saying that if you were a little less clothed, people would pay more attention to your lecture. It's only logical.

[She's looking at him like she is basically picturing him naked now, anyway, so why not just take that final step?]

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

Oooh, Naked Cooking With Dean Winchester. I don't think you'd like the food I make, sweetheart. Are burgers a part of your cheerleading diet?

[itsahotone.livejournal.com]

[Smiiiirking yet some more.]

Only after sex and I'm really hungry.

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

[DING DING DING, we have a hole-in-one! Congratulations on your success, Mr. Winchester, and thank you for playing.]

It might just be me, but I think you're hinting at something.

[Play it cool, Dean. Play it cool.]

[itsahotone.livejournal.com]

Of course not. Why would I do that when you turned me down before? Like eighty times?

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

Awww, not still sore about it, are ya?

[itsahotone.livejournal.com]

Only every so often, but then I do something about it and it goes away.

[Clearly she means she reads a good book. Yep.]

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

Too bad you can't use the "getting older" excuse.

[No, really. He would hit that in a heartbeat if she wasn't a teenager. Dear Sweet Baby Jesus, he would hit that.]

[itsahotone.livejournal.com]

[Blink. Blink. That seemed random.]

What? Oh, you're still hung up on that age thing? Never satisfied, are you? [She shakes her head sadly. Do you buy her sincerity?] And here, the solution to satisfaction is right in front of you.

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

[He wouldn't waste a single cent on that sincerity.]

Right in front of me?

[Okay, he's being sort of a dick about this, but do you blame him? Resisting temptation is hard as fuck. Dean scrutinizes the things on the counter.]

...I guess crowbars satisfy my needs, sure.

[Snerk.]

[itsahotone.livejournal.com]

Wow, sorry, not even I'm into that kinda thing. But I'm pretty sure that would still get you more viewers than a boring speech.

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

If you don't like it, you could just change the channel.

[itsahotone.livejournal.com]

But it's so much fun talking to you! Hey, what do you think of this shirt (http://rawr-caps.net/displayimage.php?pid=671275&fullsize=1), anyway?

[The correct answer, Dean, is: hot.]

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

It's, uh-

[Congratulations, you successfully changed the subject. He stares appreciatively.]

...distracting.

[itsahotone.livejournal.com]

And I bet if I took it off right now, you wouldn't be able to look away.

Either that, or you'd hang up in a desperate attempt to remain aloof and uncaring.

[Shrug.] It's a win-win. I'm just saying, you should see my point.

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

[He's not arguing with either of those statements, because they're pretty accurate. Dean does recall, however, some canon fodder of his own.]

That what you told Philip's mirror?

[DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THAT, DIDJA?]

[itsahotone.livejournal.com]

[The narration would like to question just how Dean even ~knows~ about that. Santana, however, is just a little confused.]

Is what what I told Philip's mirror?

[That he'd get more attention without a shirt? That doesn't even make sense; he obviously has no problems with nudity on an average day already.]

[dashboardlite.livejournal.com]

[Dean knows because Claire is an adorably sweet, charming little fellow who likes to share his woes about looking after Phil with Mr. Winchester.]

The first part.

[You know. Santana taking her own shirt off.

Dean can't blame Phil for looking, because da-yum, but maybe for the lack of a moral code.]

[itsahotone.livejournal.com]

Be more vague.

[Thinkthinkthink]

Are you asking if my evil breasts lured him in or something?